After many months of belaboring over what my first post, my
first introduction to the world of blogging would be, I’ve finally given up
trying to find the “perfect” topic, and have decided that the best approach to
this is… well, just to start writing! Simple as that. I’ve learned a lot
about myself over the last few months. I would say that the biggest
learning has been that I am obsessed with me! Not from a narcissistic stand
point, but from a “who am I” perspective. The cliché idea of “discovering me”
has consumed my thoughts. I find myself continuously asking the same “if”
questions over and over again. I am a perfectionist when it comes to me!
Not in a superficial way, but in a much deeper capacity. If I could describe
it, I guess I would say it’s in more of an ambitious way. Does that make
sense? In other words, I am an overachiever. Let me introduce myself…
Hi, my name is
Christina, and I am EXTRA!
I admit, I am the first to raise my hand for this
confessional . But in many ways being an overachiever is a positive. The
overachiever within encourages me to always be challenged. To always make sure
that I am learning, trying something new, and to never be content with
complacency. Positive, right? Well, yeah. If you look at it from that
perspective it is. But let’s take it from the angle that I’ve come to discover
in recent months.
It’s been a little over a year since I’ve graduated
and made the big move to the Chi. Within that year I have had some time to
reflect, and let’s just say that the flood gates of my mind have opened up and
my perfectionist thoughts have come rushing in. I am my own worst critic! Let’s
take this blog, and this post as an example. I have been wanting to start a
blog for a while now. Never mind how long that “while now” is exactly, but
let’s just say it’s been a really long while LOL. Ideas came and went, but I
couldn’t decide on any. When I finally decided on what to call the blog, I
couldn’t decide on the right thing to write about. This was becoming a problem;
a divisive cycle of do-overs was being bred. The overachiever/perfectionist
within has caused me to be one of the most indecisive people you will probably
ever meet! I have to laugh at myself, as I write this because this is a
revelation that is indeed very true. This oh so positive trait of being detail
orientated, or this renowned “go-getter”, has turned against me, and has become
counterproductive! Now, everything I do is called under the highest degree of
scrutiny by no one other than myself. I take so long trying to determine what’s
perfect that I take away from what’s real. The self obsessed side of me, has
finally shown its head. Everything I do has to be to be not only grand, but to
a T or I can’t move forward. I am starting to fit the mold of one of those
people who are always “doing thee most”. Crazy, right?! The cool, calm, and
collected (in every sense of the phrase) Christina is doing thee most right now
with all this over the top, work non-stop, if it aint perfect, it aint working
energy. And I need to stop. Kill it. Because in being real with myself,
I’m taking the meaning of an overachiever to a whole other level LOL.
I’m learning I guess. And now that this therapy
session is over, and this post has helped me discover and define the Jekyll and
Hyde side of my ambitious self, I am taking it back to the basics… To being a
more tempered me… To enjoying the journey and finding achievement in the
small things…
To simply doing
me.
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