Sunday, February 5, 2012

My Own Unique Prose

After many months of belaboring over what my first post, my first introduction to the world of blogging would be, I’ve finally given up trying to find the “perfect” topic, and have decided that the best approach to this is… well, just to start writing! Simple as that.  I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last few months.  I would say that the biggest learning has been that I am obsessed with me! Not from a narcissistic stand point, but from a “who am I” perspective. The cliché idea of “discovering me” has consumed my thoughts. I find myself continuously asking the same “if” questions over and over again.  I am a perfectionist when it comes to me! Not in a superficial way, but in a much deeper capacity. If I could describe it, I guess I would say it’s in more of an ambitious way.  Does that make sense? In other words, I am an overachiever.  Let me introduce myself…

Hi, my name is Christina, and I am EXTRA!

I admit, I am the first to raise my hand for this confessional . But in many ways being an overachiever is a positive. The overachiever within encourages me to always be challenged. To always make sure that I am learning, trying something new, and to never be content with complacency. Positive, right? Well, yeah. If you look at it from that perspective it is. But let’s take it from the angle that I’ve come to discover in recent months.
It’s been a little over a year since I’ve graduated and made the big move to the Chi. Within that year I have had some time to reflect, and let’s just say that the flood gates of my mind have opened up and my perfectionist thoughts have come rushing in. I am my own worst critic! Let’s take this blog, and this post as an example. I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now. Never mind how long that “while now” is exactly, but let’s just say it’s been a really long while LOL. Ideas came and went, but I couldn’t decide on any. When I finally decided on what to call the blog, I couldn’t decide on the right thing to write about. This was becoming a problem; a divisive cycle of do-overs was being bred. The overachiever/perfectionist within has caused me to be one of the most indecisive people you will probably ever meet! I have to laugh at myself, as I write this because this is a revelation that is indeed very true. This oh so positive trait of being detail orientated, or this renowned “go-getter”, has turned against me, and has become counterproductive! Now, everything I do is called under the highest degree of scrutiny by no one other than myself. I take so long trying to determine what’s perfect that I take away from what’s real. The self obsessed side of me, has finally shown its head. Everything I do has to be to be not only grand, but to a T or I can’t move forward. I am starting to fit the mold of one of those people who are always “doing thee most”. Crazy, right?! The cool, calm, and collected (in every sense of the phrase) Christina is doing thee most right now with all this over the top, work non-stop, if it aint perfect, it aint working energy. And I need to stop.  Kill it. Because in being real with myself, I’m taking the meaning of an overachiever to a whole other level LOL.
I’m learning I guess.  And now that this therapy session is over, and this post has helped me discover and define the Jekyll and Hyde side of my ambitious self, I am taking it back to the basics… To being a more tempered me…  To enjoying the journey and finding achievement in the small things…

To simply doing me.

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