Journal #1: Deep

Sometimes in life the greatest and most profound truths make themselves known at the most unexpected times. We are often humbled by the mirror reflection of ourselves that we seemingly failed to see prior to our personal coming of enlightenment. These new realities offer a new sense of perspective, a new sense of awareness, a new sense of freedom. I suppose that this is one of the many interpretations that can be taken away from the saying "the truth can set you free".

I have come to face the actuality of a lot of who I am as a person, and the type of life I so assuredly thought I led. The facts I knew to be real about my journey, and the path I viewed as right are not so factual anymore now that I have been humbled.

It’s funny how we are shaped and groomed into thinking that there is a single path to righteous living. And though it has been widely accepted that there could be many definitions for success, somehow money and prestige seem to still trump all.

Yet, today I was reminded of simplicity. An overwhelming feeling of easiness brought me to tears, as I thought about how far from the  essence of who I am I have gotten. Though fundamentality I am the same, it is my nature that has changed. The effortless way in which I was content with being me has somehow lost its brilliancy. I reflected on how I have become so caught up in chasing achievement. I considered how engrossed with society’s view of accomplishment and their path to success I have become, that I have forgotten that it is not about the chase or the path at all. Life is about living well – not in the monetary or materialistic sense, but in the sense of living sincerely, and passionately. It’s authenticity and genuineness that I miss.

I realized that the faith, hope, and optimism I once held to are not as strong as they once were. It is almost as though they have been stolen by the reality that others have convinced me to be true. A reality in which dreams are only remnants of our imagination and only pursed by those foolish enough to still believe in them. It is as if the world is telling me to grow up and find my purpose within the constraints and guidelines of a strictly defined social order; an order in which life is sequential, routine, and predictable. Dreams are traded in for jobs that leave little to no time for nurturing our own personal gifts and talents as we are forced to focus on the business of others. I do understand that work is necessary to live, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that I should be living to work.  Though many others will stand in agreement with me on that point, few of our lifestyles will actually reflect that. We find ourselves stressed and caught up because of how we have built out lives around work, and the things that money provides instead of passion and simply living well. The happiness in that is almost non-existent.  Don’t be drained of your joy by becoming entrapped by the pursuit of what society leads you to believe will bring it to you. I am convinced it is a dead end path that will surely disappoint.

I was reminded of how I used to be before my life became so fast, and I want that back. I want to plan less and live in the moment more. I want to take time to actually learn; instead of doing what the world says is necessary to be educated. I don’t want to live life as if it is a race to beat the time tables of others. I want my life to unfold naturally and not be forced. I want to practice gratitude more and worry less. I want to authentically and confidently be me without the need of the recognition that we have been trained to view as acceptance of who we are. 

Today I was humbly reminded of all these things… And for that I'm thankful...